whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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