Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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