Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
