I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
