dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
