you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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