I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
