Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
