im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
