I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you never un-have a 4some
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
