So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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