So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
