my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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