Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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