And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
