just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
