I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
