It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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