I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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