I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
