2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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