butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
