I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
