I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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