I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
