They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
