i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
