SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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