where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
