Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
