This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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