Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
