wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
