She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
