mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
