So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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