this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
