he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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