I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
