Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
