my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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