I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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