Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
why is half of my head shaved?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
