You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
