so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
