If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
