you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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