I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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