yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
