Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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