HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
