So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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