I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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