where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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