Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
